superuser: (Default)
[personal profile] superuser
i tried going to bed early last night and i still ended up sleeping way in (i meant to wake up at 8, couldn't get out of bed until 11)

i only have a few more weeks till my unemployment runs out

i owe about $2500 on my credit card (most of that was from the last semester of community college, which was a glorious fuckin trainwreck, lol)

i have more than enough money at the moment to keep making minimum payments for a long time, so there's no emergency, but eh.

i know i need to swallow my terror and just fuckin find a job, get out of this damn house and start trying to feel human again, get money so i can get help and shit

i don't know if there are any kind of meds i can take for sheer existential anxiety or the kind of anxiety i get just being out in public and feeling like something grotesque. with the way i enjoy monsters and horror you'd think i could embrace that, but the truth is, i'd much rather be something monstrous than a joke.

and trying to find work, it's like, i either have the terror of actually getting a job that i know i can't do (any job, because i know i can't do anything) or facing endless rejection. i thought about trying to volunteer, but even that requires filling out applications and providing references. i don't have any references.

i just don't know how to re-enter society. how to pretend at being useful and employable when i know i'm not.
From:
Anonymous( )Anonymous This account has disabled anonymous posting.
OpenID( )OpenID You can comment on this post while signed in with an account from many other sites, once you have confirmed your email address. Sign in using OpenID.
User
Account name:
Password:
If you don't have an account you can create one now.
Subject:
HTML doesn't work in the subject.

Message:

 
Notice: This account is set to log the IP addresses of everyone who comments.
Links will be displayed as unclickable URLs to help prevent spam.

Profile

superuser: (Default)
superuser | jas

September 2014

S M T W T F S
 123456
78910111213
141516 17181920
21222324252627
282930    

Style Credit

Expand Cut Tags

No cut tags
Page generated Jul. 26th, 2017 04:31 am
Powered by Dreamwidth Studios