(no subject)

wow hey i almost never use this anymore

i guess tumblr just seems easier most of the time and i like the attention so i usually just post over there

weird thing: i've been off all my meds for about a week and i feel surprisingly okay

i've been taking allergy meds for a long time.. like.. about a half a year to a year now? and they do work wonders for my perpetually stuffy/runny nose (i have no idea what i'm allergic to), but they've made my depression fucking awful. it's like, a real chemical depression now, when i can feel relatively okay but still not have any goddamn energy or motivation or anything, and it's been so bad i've basically blown off this entire semester + all my freelance work (i mean i told my clients to go somewhere else because i couldn't take it anymore) etc

the thought of even trying to get a job makes me sick and i hate how much of a whiny manchild i feel like because of that

as for my prozac.. i'm about out of that anyway with no way to get a refill in the foreseeable future :/

the weird thing is i don't really /want/ anything anymore. i'm pretty content to just spin my wheels and waste my time, which seems like a bad thing but considering i've spent so long only being able to look forward to something in the future that never ended up happening anyway it's kind of nice. it's kind of a fucken relief to just live day to day not really doing anything. but i worry that's some persistent form of depression talking since i should probably, idk, want to move out or better myself or something. i'm just relatively content with things at the moment and i hate to begrudge that of myself